In the spirit of self improvement I have in recent months been working on changing myself. With best intentions, for the better and with best intentions, to be able to help the world become a better place.

In the last 24 hours I have apologised to four different people for behaving in a manner totally opposite to my intentions…….

Well, that self improvement didn’t go so well now did it. Shooting yourself in the footEnabling personal change is always difficult. It is hard to change your habits and move to a better place, and to be a different (hopefully better) person. If it was easy then the whole world would be full of happy, emotionally stable, kind, generous, loving people.

Admittedly, I had intended to change and I certainly did change. But, I had intended to change to be a better person and through my own ignorance managed to find the opposite direction. The worse part was ignoring the warning signs, and much to my personal disappointment, I ignored the people around me that were highlighting to me that I was doing something wrong.

The signs were there; the person who told me that I always only think about myself, the person who told me to stop analysing them, the person who told me that they were frustrated talking to me, turned and walked away. Signs from these friends, these people that I trust, telling me that I am engaging with them the wrong way and pushing them away. But no, “Mr. Self Involved” as how I have become to refer to myself in this timeframe, knew better and was changing himself for the good of humanity.

In the words of the Scottish abusing Trump : What a witless fucking cocksplat.

Today, I am still coming to terms with the realisation that I turned myself into a monster. I am feeling rather disappointed in myself, that I could push myself so positively in the wrong direction but mostly that I let my ego get in the way of trusting and listening to people that I know care about me. If your partner, friends and people you trust are telling you that you are doing something wrong, chances are that you are. Stop and listen to what they are saying, do not carry on regardless. Don’t become a monster because of your own ego.

Excuse me while I quietly put myself back in my box, shut the lid and come back out again only when I promise to behave.

The point folks, is that you aren’t always going to get it right. No matter how good or fantastic you are, no matter how honourable your intentions, you are going to get it wrong eventually. I really am a nice guy and I try to do the right thing by people and yet here I am, looking back over my behaviour and wonder what in the world I was thinking.

With any luck, maybe you will not get it wrong in such a fantastical manner and you will not find yourself spending your day contacting all of your friends that you have really annoyed. But if you do, take responsibility for your actions, realise what you did to shoot yourself in the foot and make amends with the people you got on the wrong side of.

You might have burned some bridges, you might have destroyed some relationships with people that were important to you. Maybe these things can be rebuilt, maybe the damage is permanent. Most importantly, learn and make a difference to yourself that is right, positive and from the heart. Be yourself, the good one.